Sitting in an elementary school parent forum recently, I was
overwhelmingly struck with the concept that as parents, we’re so involved in
preparing our kids for advancement that we’ve forgotten to teach them the
basics of how to advance on their own.
We’re too busy doing it for them to let them in on the secret of how to
do it for themselves.
We’ve somehow lost touch with our Parenting 101
instincts. We’re too busy advocating for
their safety from other drivers and pedestrians to teach them how to effectively
cross a street at a corner by looking both ways and using common courtesy and manners
with others on the roads. We band
together to make sure they have the best technology in their classrooms, but
never consider teaching them basic technology etiquette such as respectful
usage of devices in social settings.
Back up the dial a half-turn and we’ve neglected to arm them with the
elementary safety warning of not walking/riding/driving while using the
devices. We’re so worried about making
sure the extra-curricular audition process is fair, that we leave out the
lesson on how to effectively manage their expectations and emotions when it
comes down to the outcome.
It’s about common sense and I have to say we’ve lost some of
it as a society of well-intentioned parents.
Even before our babies are born, we parents are so intent on making sure
our children benefit from every opportunity that’s out there, that the basics
of common sense parenting get bumped to the wayside. We get them into the best baby classes, even
if it means negotiating the most basic of human needs for infants: sleep.
We micro-manage their days and activities as they get older, not allowing
them to develop the skills of creativity and self-entertainment, as they have
no free or down time. Once they hit
school-age, we lobby for the best of the best in education and activities,
without insisting our kids cultivate the tools they need to be responsible, integrity-driven
pupils, such as discipline, motivation, respect, and working hard to earn what
they want.
We’re all guilty of losing that instinctual parenting focus
from time to time. Just this morning, I
got so caught with my older daughter and I comforting my younger daughter after
the plant she’s cared for over the past few months died, that we were late for
school. Come on! Comfort is great, but school hours are not up
for negotiation. I did a poor job
following the basics of parenting and instead spent too much time back-patting
my child. Today’s coddling will rear its
ugly head down the road one day when something happens that’s really worthy of
crying and my kid can’t move past the disappointment.
The good news is that the opportunity is always there to
revert back to common sense parenting, as parenting is fluid. From the most hovering of helicopter parents to
the absentee-parent who leaves it to Jr. to figure it out on his own, and
everyone in between, we can start focusing on common sense parenting at any
time and expect decent results. Kids are
like sponges and even if you’ve half-way raised a kid that can’t find her way
out of a paper bag, by focusing today on the entry point being the same as the
exit point, she’ll absorb a concept that can be used in everyday situations for
the rest of her life.
While you can subscribe
to today’s parenting trends of indulgence and entitlement, tomorrow you can
reel it back in with ownership and self-reliance. It’s never too late to teach your child how
to fish instead of serving him the meal on a platter. Let’s venture back to the ABC’s of parenting
together and help foster the development of responsible human beings.
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