The definition of a good parent is subjective. From self-reliant, to successful, to soccer extraordinaire,
and everything in between, parents are judged on a lot of different markers
when it comes to the outcome of their kids.
Some define a good parent as someone who takes care of his child’s every
need, and then some. Others classify a
good parent as one who makes decisions in the best interest of her child first,
before anything else. Still another
faction of folks designate a good parent by the level of respect and politeness
said parent’s children demonstrate to others.
There’s no one, solid, correct answer.
Basically, as a parent, you have to choose what’s important to you to
provide for your kids, and dig in from there.
It’s not easy, by any stretch of the imagination. Sometimes it’s downright hard to make the
decisions that you know are right for you and your family. Take, for instance, today’s decision to let
my child muster through running club after school without her running gear that
she neglected to pack. On the way to
school this morning, I double-checked my 9-year-old that she had her bag
running clothes for her after-school program.
“I have that today?” she inquired earnestly.
“Yep. Every Monday
and Wednesday. Today’s Wednesday,” I responded
matter-of-factly.
At that moment, the 2nd bell rang from the
school, still a half a block away, indicating it’s time for my daughter to hit
it so that she can make it into her seat by the last bell.
“I’ll pick you up after run club!” I yelled after her. “You’ll be fine in your jeans. Love you!”
There was not time for my daughter to get upset. She bolted across the street, down the block,
and into the entrance of the school. It
was actually an ideal situation. I didn’t
have to deal with the moaning and groaning of her worrying how she will
possibly run in jeans instead of sweatpants and her nice knit shirt instead of
her long-sleeve thermal and sweatshirt. There
was no chance for her to ‘wa, wa, wa’ about how unlucky she is for having
forgotten her good running shoes and tell me that she’ll probably get a blister
from the shoes she has on. It was just
done.
I did an about-face and headed back home, without a second
thought to the after-school running. By
10am, I was debating whether to pack a quick bag and drop it off at school on
the way back from dropping my little one at preschool.
“No, I’m not going to do it,” I kept telling myself. “This is good for her.”
My 4th grader has had a hard time this year with
organization and planning and scheduling.
First it was the homework…when to do which assignments during the week to
meet her class deadlines and when to push it off until another day. Next was how to function when getting home
late from after-school activities, where she sacrifice some of her free time, family
time, and homework time. Now she’s
working on finessing her morning routine so that she rises, takes care of her
school preparations before eating and free-time, so that she’s always ready for
her day. My gut told me that this was a
lesson for her in the last rung of her organization ladder.
I went on about my day, but by mid-afternoon, the freakin’
running bag entered my mind again! Maybe
I was being too much of a hard-ass and I should just throw her shoes and some
sweats in a bag and drop them off in the office at school before the end of the
day. After all, she’s a good kid. Competing in my head, though, ran a loop of a
conversation I’d recently had with a school official regarding the high number
of instances each day where parents drop forgotten items off at school for
their children. Lunchboxes, lunch money,
gym clothes, homework, and projects….all things that their kids NEED to
complete their day. In reality, kids
will scrounge off of someone else’s lunch, play volleyball in their Uggs, get a
reduction in grade for late homework or request an extension. In other words, it all works itself out.
Reminding myself of that, I decided to stick to my guns and drop
the issue altogether. My daughter of
course made it through practice without a hitch, enjoyed her workout, and was
only mildly annoyed at the fact that I had consciously decided not to bring her
clothes to her in the middle of the day.
After thinking about it more, she said she completely understood and
respected my decision and that it was a good lesson for her, but that she was
still a little irritated by it.
Fine by me. I’m her
mom, not her fan club or girlfriend. My
job is to allow her to eventually figure things out on her own, experience consequences
of actions, and see how the world really works.
The world works like this: things
don’t always go according to plan and sometimes you have to just deal with it. She dealt, as did I.
1 comment:
Hey Stacy I love your articles, absolutely do. Now listen, at 46 you would think that being older, supposedly wiser, and after watching my sibllings raise a multitude of nieces and nephews that it would be a piece of cake. But alas, no.. Now my daughter is seven and there is only one certainty that I have come to count on. That we love each other unconditionally. Nobody can tell you how and what to do in one's one situation.. It's all relevant. But the one rule of thumb I do adhere to is this: if a situation comes up that I have to really apply my guidance to, I ask myself; will the verbiage I give Ellie affect her future, meaning, will my actions adversely affect or positively affect her life later on. Everything. we say and do absolutely resonates later in life on how they handle things. I am honest with her, I shoot from the hip and she knows things probably not suited for a 7 year old, but I don't want her in the dark on anything. I think I am doing ok. The fun part is finding each other and cementing our love for each other. All I know is I can't imagine life without her. Thanks for sharing your posts.
Post a Comment